In my quest to find the perfect wedding dress I’ve been through wedding rodeos before. I wore the second dress I ever tried on when I got married at 26. It was by Jenny Packham, and it was wonderful for my end-of-the-noughties Tuscan wedding. It was constructed of unfinished chiffon layers with a fishtail shape and strapless neckline. Unfortunately, the fit didn’t work out, and by the time I was 29 years old, I was divorcing my partner and determined not to walk down a wedding aisle ever again. If my thirty years have taught me anything, it is that striving for absolutes is pointless. Aside from being so stunned that I required a foil blanket to stop shaking when my long-term partner, who is also the father of my two sons, proposed on Christmas Day, there was no doubt what my response would be.
What the hell would I wear, that was significantly less apparent. You might be shocked to hear that I was fazed after spending the last 20 years working in or close to the fashion industry and having almost 80,000 Instagram followers. Why the anxiety when I truly understand who I am and what my own style is? The reality is that, no matter how brave you are, there is just something about a wedding dress that is crippling. This mystical combination of tulle and taffeta is meant to capture your style and make you appear like your best self. Even for a gal like me who, more often than not, has worn more gowns than you have hot dinner.
First of all, being a multifaceted forty-year-old with many facets, I was worried that no one outfit would ever truly capture my essence. It seemed improbable that a magician could create a gown that embodied my somewhat oxymoronic personal style, or that said “Amish by day, vixen by night.” I made the decision to set out on a voyage of exploration. I set a goal for myself to try on one hundred different bridal gowns and document the experience in writing. I intended to explore my own beliefs on what works for me while maintaining an open mind. In the end, my journey would take me across borders and oceans, with assistance from some of the most renowned bridal designers in the world. From high street to upscale, conventional toNothing was out of the question until a magician could summon an evil.
For the past five months, I’ve been thinking about a piece of advice that Vivienne Westwood stylist and bridal expert Rosie Boydell-Wiles gave me: “Your wedding day isn’t the moment to experiment with your personal style.” She’s not incorrect, but at first, I had trouble defining my own style precisely in the context of marriage. Every day, I dress in feminine dresses from Doên and Sea NY, which go well with my long, blood-red nails, sharp inky fringe, and tattoos on my forearms. The outfit ups the ante at night by including a Le Smoking without brassiere and nude clothing. I’m not a minimalist or a wallflower, for sure.However, I’ve never felt like I belonged in a single style category. Some could describe it as girlie, but I don’t feel sweet enough for that. Maybe a more insane jolie laide? Do you know any bridal designers that have used that as their unique selling point? Not me either.
Following New York Fashion Week, I made my first stop at Honor NYC, whose Instagram account I had been following for weeks. Any idea that I would just pick a white dress from one of my favorite wedding gown designers vanished there as I saw the flawless craftsmanship of a made-to-measure bridal gown. I also realized very soon that I was ready for some good drama. Any thoughts of understated restraint have already vanished because my ceremony will take place in an amazing architectural mansion in the Californian desert this autumn. This is undoubtedly the land of go big or go home. My favorite outfit was a strapless, translucent, nude tiered dress that, as I later realized, strikingly resembled my first wedding gown. Even after fifteen years, it appeared that I was going back to typing.
Upon returning to London, I made appointments with renowned bridal designers in the city, as I desired to start over. Designer Kate at Halfpenny London’s Bloomsbury atelier advised me to tune out the outside world and concentrate on the emotion. What was the movement of the dress? Did I sense help? Was it possible for me to breathe? Had I taken into account every aspect of its appearance? I was inspired by her contagious confidence and fell in love with a champagne silk halterneck gown named Cheryl. I also discovered that ivory isn’t my color; warmer hues look better on me.
Sassi Holford informed me that she loves clothing brides my age and women who come to fittings by themselves, like me that day, over on Fulham Road. Yes, having too many chefs can be problematic. I spotted a dress early on in my search that I loved, but it was really striking. I did start to question my own sense of self after three people backed away in amazement and told me I would regret it. Everybody has an image in their mind of what “a bride” should look like, and this image is always shaped by what they would personally pick. Even though I did invite friends along to roughly 25% of the meetings (free bubbly, gorgeous settings—what’s not to love?), I discovered that using my style radar by myself was more effective. As it happens, I really don’t want to hear what other people think.
In terms of trends, there were lots of lowered waists and subtle pink blushes everywhere. The emergence of more carefree bridal studios with a “slip-on-and-go” vibe is another, more fundamental change. I enjoyed the simplicity of the designs when I went to The Own Studio and The Fall in Shoreditch. Under the direction of Jess Kaye, co-founder of The Own, I left daydreaming of an Audrey Hepburn-esque bubble-skirted dress with a cut across the neck. I was drawn to the Claire dress by Cinq at The Fall because of its Botticellian vibe and delicate gossamer gauze tendrils.
Two of the most renowned stores in the world, Kleinfeld in New York (home of 5,600 dresses and the reality TV series Say Yes to the Dress) and Pronovias on Bond Street (home of Vera Wang’s ready-to-wear wedding line), are must-sees for the complete bridal experience. Regarding the subject of having an open mind, I’ve discovered over my years as an editor that you may discover pieces you adore in the most unexpected places and that style snobbery isn’t all that stylish.
The true path to style success In my quest to find the perfect wedding dress
I was enamored with a vintage square-neck style at Pronovias that reminded me of Four Weddings & a Funeral—in a nice way. It cost roughly one-third as much as some of the other outfits that were up for grabs. I was completely enthralled with a laced corset Pnina Tornai dress at Kleinfeld, despite the fact that every dress was bereft of pearls or beads and the corniness of the public trying-on (which I actually really enjoyed).
Speaking about public fittings, there’s no denying that politics and body confidence play a part in wedding planning. Even though I am a slender, size-privileged woman, I tried on a lot of wedding gowns that either didn’t fit right or constricted my body in ways that didn’t appeal to my critical eye. At a few appointments, there was discussion about losing weight, which made me uneasy. I also initially found the emphasis on an hourglass form to be difficult as a straight-bodied woman—so much so that I published a Substack on the subject).But by the time I hit the 100-dress threshold, I just shrugged whenever a strapless neckline impaled my underarm skin or a button missed my stomach. When it comes to controlling negative thoughts, practice makes perfect, and I certainly sense a resurgence of body acceptance. It’s just time to quit talking to myself in certain ways in front of the mirror after three pregnancies and forty years on this earth. I’m happy that this was brought to my attention before to my wedding.
If this tale has a lesson, it is this: If I hadn’t been writing this article, I never would have gone to the store where I discovered my dress. Not to give too much away, but I didn’t think of myself as that woman or associate with the brand before to that visit. However, when that zip was pulled up, I realized that’s actually who I am. strong, seductive, and slightly defiant.
That’s not to say that since then, I haven’t been drawn to other options. Once you’ve made your deposit, it’s a really good idea to stop trying on other gowns. I didn’t do that because of this commission, and a few weeks after committing, I found myself back in Danielle Frankel’s ethereal workshop in New York, where I was taken in by Rosalie, a chiffon number. Since the clothing I’ve picked captures more aspects of who I am, I can console myself with the idea that, quite frankly, I’m still thinking about her. (In addition, there is a part of me that needs to get real and gather myself because I am not a bride who can afford to lose a deposit on the largest purchase of her life.)
